I smoked after quitting. Now what?

You had stopped, and then it happened: one cigarette at a party, after an argument, on a long evening. Now you may feel annoyed, ashamed, or tempted to think it is all over anyway. It is not. This guide explains why one cigarette does not undo your progress, what to do in the next 24 hours, and how a slip can make your next step stronger.

The short answer

• A slip is not a relapse. One cigarette, or a few, is a slip. A relapse means going back to smoking regularly. The difference lies in what you do next.

• Your days without smoking still count. Your body and your brain have already started to change. One cigarette does not reset that to zero.

• The risky moment is a thought, not the cigarette. "Now it does not matter anyway" is what turns a slip into a relapse.

Why one cigarette feels like failure

Many people think about quitting in all or nothing terms: either I have stopped for good, or I have failed. Psychologists have a name for the feeling after a slip: the abstinence violation effect, described by the American psychologist Alan Marlatt in his work on relapse. It is a typical chain. You break your own rule, you feel guilt and shame, you conclude that you are simply weak, and then carrying on seems pointless.

Relapse research based on Marlatt's model points to the same thing again and again: what matters most is how you explain the slip to yourself. If you see it as proof of personal weakness, going back to smoking becomes more likely. If you see it as a situation you were not yet prepared for, you can prepare for it.

What to do in the next 24 hours

• Stop at this one. Throw away the rest of the pack. Do not keep any "for emergencies".

• Name it. Say to yourself: this was a slip, not a decision. I am still someone who is stopping.

• Do not punish yourself. Shame increases the need for comfort, and for years the cigarette was your comfort.

• Go back to what helped. Your routines, your breathing, the people who support you, the audio you listened to.

• Expect the next craving. It may be a little stronger for a few days, because the old link was just woken up. A craving still passes within minutes. More on this in the guide how long nicotine cravings last.

Learn from the moment

A slip is information. It shows you exactly which situation is still linked to the cigarette. Ask yourself three questions:

• Where was I, and who was there?

• What did I feel just before? Stress, boredom, celebration, loneliness?

• What did I want from the cigarette? Calm, belonging, a break, a reward?

The last question is the most useful one. Whatever you were looking for, you can plan another way to get it next time. If it was calm, the guide why cigarettes feel calming has ideas you can use straight away.

Most people need more than one attempt

You are in good company. The NHS calls a relapse a setback that many people face on the way to quitting for good, and the US Smokefree programme notes that most people need several tries before they stop for good. Every attempt teaches you something about your own triggers.

If you are back to smoking regularly

If one cigarette has turned into several a day again, the same applies: there is no reason to give up on giving up. Pick a new day soon, ideally within the next few days, and remember what worked last time. You do not have to do it alone. The NHS points out that local Stop Smoking Services make success considerably more likely, and stop smoking medicines or nicotine replacement can be combined with other approaches.

Reconnect with the good feeling, free

Part One of my programme "Strong and Free" is a twenty minute hypnosis audio that works with the feeling the cigarette used to give you, so you can reach it without smoking. After a slip it is a good way to reconnect with why you stopped, whether you have heard it before or not.